Paperwork

I have been trying to set up ONE rotation in California since August. Now that it is December and not finished I may have to give it up. We will go out on the month off and hang with the in-laws and I will NEVER recommend this school to anyone who actually wants to do something different. I hate it when people can't get their stuff together and then don't even have the decency to tell someone they are not going to get their stuff together. Oh well I guess I will learn to live with being a disappointment to my in-laws.

Finals

Well it's that time of the year again when I really would like to get something done but instead I have too many tests to bother with in one week. I am most looking forward to my ultrasound on New Year's Eve, but I keep telling myself to just get through this round of tests. :(

Bejeweled

Though this game was super fun it takes up too much time. And now that my sister has shown me that I am horrible at it also - I have decided to quit. I hate competing at anything with my family either overtly or otherwise. I always lose. I will try not to brag about anything I do well anymore because maybe I can let it make me happy inside for that much longer. I suppose there is always school - I have taken more classes than the rest of my family.

FUNNY

e-
see more Epic Fails

New apartment

So we are moving this week and I hate the fact that we were forced to move again. We are excited about the new place though. Hopefully my family won't hate us too much :)

Business Management

OK at this point I am pretty frustrated with myself for signing up for this MBA thing. I could finish in May but I feel like I am going to have trouble just passing some of these classes. I am all for learning on my own, but if I wanted to learn business on my own from a book I would have gotten a book and taught myself, not paid for classes that do not help with anything in the real world whatsoever.

Motivation

Well another semester has started and I am so unmotivated about classwork and studying. I have moved out of my comfort zone and into the front row of class - and it is sort of freaking me out because I am so self-conscious. I have 2 classes at the Citadel again and they already have so much homework I don't know where to begin. I am going to need this Monday off just to recoup from the first couple of weeks and of course get ready for my first test that Wednesday. I really must start exercising also - yay procrastination!

California

California is beautiful and hot, but at least it is dry. Daniel has had fun riding Dan the horse and taking pictures of the rather brown landscape. There are black olive bushes and the old blooms of the Joshua trees. There wasn't enough rain to make anything bloom much at all this year. I got all my school stuff done and I am enjoying skipping the first couple of days of school because we won't be back until Sunday. I am also getting used to my new haircut, hopefully I can get it to what I want here really soon so I am not always frustrated by it. I am looking forward to the dinner out tonight, though I enjoy my mother-in-law's cooking very much.

Lost my Grandfather

Disappointment

Disappointment is a feeling that I am apparently going to be quite intimate with. I want to start a family more than anything else but it seems that my body hates me. I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks and exactly a week later I lost it. I am also fairly sure I lost one in January also, but a bit sooner than this last one. I feel quite apathetic at this point about most everything and I just can't seem to get motivated. Maybe one day I will get something I want out of life besides more school and more disappointment.

Paper

So right now I am drowning in paper. Receipts, bills, schoolwork, etc. It seems as though it never ends. But I just recently bought a mobile receipt/document scanner with a filing program so that I can dig myself out of this pile of paper. I am planning on scanning and storing and SHREDDING everything I can so that when we move next year sometime I can NOT have all this paper to haul around.

To Do List

I have so many things to do these days, but at the same time I feel bored by almost everything. I get stuff done, but I don't ever feel like I get enough done. I feel like I am being buried alive by stuff, but I can't make myself get rid of it all. People say I am motivated. I disagree. I just keep doing stuff because I don't know what I really want to be doing and don't know what else to do.

Forwards

I thought forwards of stupid things in e-mail were basically over. No one likes them, but you feel like a schmuck if you don't at least reply to the person that sent it in the first place. I have no use for stuff piling up in my e-mail box, I have enough to read already. I wish people would realize that they are not thoughtful or cut or funny, just annoying. Don't send chain letters or questionnaires or long things with happy messages. I just did one today against my better judgment and I was sorry to do it while I was doing it. Oh well hopefully I will have less lapses as the day goes on.

Timeliness

It is very important to let people know things in a timely manner. Especially when a late message will cause more stress and work than is needed or wanted. But as much as I enjoy my job there is nothing about it that is timely. Certain jobs are required ahead of time, but the information that you need to do it correctly is not given to you when you need it. This causes a lot of re-working that should not be even thought of, let alone needed or required. I will most likely stay with this company until I retire given the company itself stays in business that long, but I am slowly getting jaded towards some of its methods. E-mail is outdated in the business world for messages that every employee needs and may need to access later. I have on many occasions went back to look for e-mails I needed to use again only to find no record whatsoever. It would be very advantageous to put the important e-mails in a different searchable format that can be accessed later.

Responsibility

I wish that people would just get their crap together instead of ...

Futility

I feel like dieting, conception, and cleaning are often exercises in futility. With dieting (and exercising of course) it never seems to help. I have been doing marvelously for almost a month now and I have not lost 1 pound. I haven't been able to conceive for 10 months now. And no matter how much time I spend cleaning more stuff just gets it the way. I have a hard time getting rid of things so I hold onto anything and everything. Overall I seem to be just carrying around extra baggage that is ruining my body, life, and house but I just can't seem to get rid of any of it. I have a little less than 2 years left here and hopefully the next time I leave I will be able to devote more time to improving myself instead of just my report card.

Constructive Criticism

I wish that people would not take constructive criticism personally. It is not meant to harm or make someone feel bad or worthless. Often it is to make everyone work more smoothly together. It hurts me when I try to tell someone about a particular issue that could make them better and more efficient and they make me out to be a monster. Hopefully, I will one day learn to give criticism constructively enough that it does not alienate people who I thought were friends. Work issues and personal issues are separate and should not interfere with either relationship overly much.

Memorial Day

Over Memorial Day my sister and her husband brought over my new favorite nephew - WILL! This is he and I right before they left that Monday. We all had a great time and I was so happy to be able to spend time with them all. Will is a great baby and I wish that I was around more often to visit instead of being so busy. He is the cutest little kid ever. I know Tia and Austin do not think they are going to be very good parents, but I know that they are going to be just fine. Everything is going to be wonderful and work out perfectly like it always does, in spite of all of their worrying. I love them all so much.

Speech Class

I understand how important it is to know how to speak in front of people, but I don't understand why it has to be so difficult. I am terrified to speak in front of people or even to raise my hand in class and ask a question. Most of the time when I speak in front of people I know all of them. Especially in pharmacy classes, we have had class now all together for two years and we have another one with more speaking. And then a huge speech in our fourth year. I wish I could be more like Daniel and revel in public speaking. He loves to talk to small or large groups, he loves people watching him when he is acting out other characters. Sometimes he just talks and talks. I don't understand how someone can lose the fear of speaking. I want very much to get better at it. But I do well with talking to people one on one at work so I guess that is enough for my professional choice of retail pharmacist. I talk to people everyday in front of my coworkers but not to them and I don't feel any kind of anxiety whatsoever. Just when I know people are watching me and judging me on not only what I am saying, but how I look and act and think. Speaking is horrible, and I will always be lousy at it if I don't get okay with myself.

Funny DOT signs

So I was driving to work the other day and one of those light up DOT message boards said to slow down - police exercise ahead. All I could think of was police on the side of the road doing jazzercise in funny 80's get-ups. Luckily though I didn't get pulled over and had a great laugh all the way to work.

Final Exams

So, finals are arriving again next week. Luckily I only have 2 - Managerial accounting and Leadership Communication. Neither of which I am counting an an A in, but most likely a B. I was a little busy this semester with a rotation and work and school, but I managed to pull it off like I always do. I am having a hard time concentrating on school just now and I am feeling extremely burnt out, but I only have one class coming up next semester and I am planning on working a bit less so I have some time to myself. Oh well, I guess I will go clean something now that I have wasted the entire morning on the computer.

World of Warcraft

So yesterday I actually got to relax a little and play WOW. I started a new Dranei Shaman character on an Alliance server. Normally I like to play Horde, but have been focusing on Alliance to be able to chat with family. Hopefully I will not be quite so busy the rest of the Summer and will be able to play some more.

Tetris

Many of you know that I have enjoyed playing Tetris for years. It is very relaxing and a great brain exercise. Well recently Google ran a Tetris history day and I found the website: http://www.tetrisfriends.com/ and my screen name is Petals735. It has many different styles and ways to play other people. It also ranks you so the once you have proven yourself then you only battle people with your same rank. This provides for an extra challenge when you are tired of trying to beat yourself over and over and over.

The end of the day

I have decided to start blogging to stay in better touch with people. Hopefully, this will be a great lace for me to talk about what makes me tick. So today I had a great day at work, we stayed caught up all morning. Then I got some 'homework' done and went to class. We had a speaker from Houston, Texas about how to better use media to network and communicate with others. I was surprised to see that I was already doing some of the stuff without thinking about it being networking. I then went to the remainder of accounting call and learned about budgets, and that Fiat bought out Chrysler. I will unfortunately have to stop buying Chrysler products unless Fiat gets their act together. Now I am very tired and will head off to bed.